MTL NOVEL Chapter 62: Love and Lust
Bliss had found a place to concentrate without distraction. Settled in her secret corner of the white space she had been getting to work. Which meant standing around, and doing nothing. Bliss had been in a stake out.
She found it a bit more difficult to catch the cohort on their own, away from the rest of the residents. It seemed after sufficient rest and recuperation, each of them delved into their various tasks and duties, coping with their collective trauma by distracting the mind.
She tried to do the same. However, the difference between them was that the Blade family was her distraction. She has been avoiding Sam. For more than just the situation with Mundus. She had been avoiding him even before that.
The truth was, they had been growing apart for some time. You would think, having been together for over a thousand years, that their bond would be unbreakable by now. In many ways it was. She cherished Sam. She trusted and depended on him. She even truly loved him, in a way. In the only way a celestial could that is.
After living so long, so many more years than just a thousand, emotions didn't feel the same way they did for a mortal. On top of that, being a celestial in and of itself added a whole additional dynamic. Nothing could ever feel the way that fulfilling one's condition did.
As much as she loved Sam, fulfilling her condition took priority. Right now, Sil was the key to fulfilling that condition for many years to come. That is why scheming to have him restored was so paramount. In truth, she could have trusted Sam with her meddling, in fact not only was there no more trustworthy man alive, but he was actually a skilled and experienced strategist. His mind may have even come up with better ideas. However that would have meant sacrificing her autonomy, her solitude, her privacy, and as of late it was a relief to have an excuse to put some distance between her and Sam.
Sam knew that she could never be or give him what he was truly seeking. She would never be for him what he was hoping for, they had talked about it many times. Sadly no matter how much your head knows the truth, that does not guarantee that your heart will listen. Sam knew, but deep down he secretly hoped it would change. She knew it. And that fact only made her feel worse, made her feel guilty.
She hated seeing him die inside, a little, every time she pulled away. It felt gross. So she'd been avoiding him more often. Too afraid to try to have that conversation again. It never went well after all. She would bring it up, he would argue that he knew and he didn't care, that he just loved her and wanted to be by her side no matter the cost. It was also nice to have a companion, somebody to turn to in hard times, somebody trustworthy to leave in care of your heart. Sam was that for her. He held her heart. She sought love and companionship from no other. As long as he wanted it, he would have it.
She didn't really have an argument against that. She had already taken so many years of Sam's life, keeping him hidden away for the sake of mankind. Altruistic at face value, but in truth, it was as selfish a reason as there could ever be. Since Bliss's condition was to save lives. So she felt like she owed him that much.
That didn't change the fact that lately she had been feeling stuck and frustrated, in addition to deep guilt and the sadness it wrought. Bliss basically just delved deep into her other tasks, trying to keep busy. Trying to keep her mind distracted. Which is why she was currently watching the Blade complex.
A loud crash called her attention back to the present and out of her thoughts where she had been lost. A pile of debris had landed on the ground with a very loud clap, only slightly muffled by the damp earth on which it landed.
In the empty corner of the celestial realm, Bliss stood shrouded in ethereal light. A crystal sphere of purest white hovered gently in front of her, spinning lazily like a captured star, its radiant surface rippling with spectral visions transmitted by the eyes of her onyx-feathered familiar, perched quietly in the branches of an ancient oak.
Through the crow's eyes, Bliss gazed silently, breath catching as she glimpsed Sil, bathed in golden sunlight, moving gracefully across the worn roof of his orphanage. His lean form glistened with sweat, muscles rippling beneath sun-kissed skin, a result of long days spent toiling beneath the open sky. He moved with fluid strength and careful precision, his focused gaze intense, brows drawn gently together in concentration. Bliss's heartbeat quickened, her eyes tracing the elegant arch of his back, the tautness of his forearms, the subtle sway of powerful shoulders as he repaired the damaged spots and cleared debris from the roof.
She swallowed hard, a warm flush creeping unbidden across her cheeks. This was supposed to be practical—just a careful observation, a quiet chance to seize a moment of privacy for a necessary conversation. But the intention had swiftly unraveled, replaced with something sweeter, something forbidden.
Her lips curled into a smile unconsciously looking into the globe of crystalline light that hovered gently before her, the orb shimmering with delicate pulses that mirrored the rhythm of her heart. The lines of his torso shifted as Sil paused, swiping sweat from his brow, his breathing steady, chest rising and falling gently with exertion. Each movement was poetry in motion—calm strength, easy grace, and effortless beauty.
Guilt pricked sharply in Bliss's chest. Her mind drifted, images of Sam surfacing, his familiar touch still tingling softly upon her lips. Shame mixed bitterly with longing, each competing sensation sharpening the ache that settled deep within her. She knew this indulgence was betrayal, unfair to both men, to any man-- mortal and celestial alike. And yet, she could not tear her gaze from Sil, captivated by the simple pleasure of watching him at work.
The crow tilted its head, capturing Sil as he wiped his brow again, the back of his hand leaving smudges of grime along his cheekbone. Bliss smiled softly despite herself, heart quickening, emotions tangling into knots. How had it come to this—watching from the distance, yearning quietly, entangled in feelings she couldn't afford?
Although, it wasn't like she had actual feelings. This wasn't the world-ending emotional ties of budding love, or the early honeymoon stages of romance or anything like that. This was carnal, visceral, animal in nature. Simply put- it was pure, unbridled, lust. If she was being honest with herself, creating distance between herself and Sam also meant forgoing physical intimacy for the time being. Bliss didn't feel it would be right for her to be emotionally unavailable for Sam while still using him physically just to satiate the hunger for pleasure.
She let out a trembling sigh, eyes lingering long enough to burn the image of Sil into her memory before finally turning and dematerializing into a flash of bright white light. She faded from the space with the light. Her world was replaced by emptiness, darkness consuming the brilliance, leaving her cold and hollow. The mundane world was always dull when compared to the vibrance of the celestial space.
The crow fluttered its wings once, restless but obedient, and Bliss lifted her staff slowly, letting the crow land on top of its gemstone crown, then just like that, it dissolved gently into nothingness. She stood alone in silence, her shame deepening like shadows around her.
This couldn't continue—she knew it—but already she ached for another glimpse, for that secret indulgence. She turned to face the orphanage building. It was clearly in sight from her hiding place just behind the treeline. Now was as good a time as any to seek out Sil. He was alone at least. A wicked smile danced on her lips as devilish thoughts invaded her mind. She was playing a dangerous game, and gods rarely lost without consequence.