Rizz Taoist Master [A Reverend Insanity Fanfiction]

"Oh, thank god, it wasn't big bro who threw it," Gooner Yue Fang Zheng breathed a sigh of relief, like he'd just dodged a bullet. After his aunt and uncle's pep talk, he'd managed to un-tilt.

"Big bro, you lucked out last time with a low-tier Moonlight Gu. Gu Master leveling isn't just RNG, I'm gonna out-grind you." Fang Zheng was giving himself a motivational speech, like he was about to start a speedrun.

"That was a clutch shot. Keep practicing, remember that muscle memory," the elder said, patting the student's shoulder, giving him that "you're doing great, sweetie" energy.

The boy nodded enthusiastically, his eyes sparkling, like he'd just unlocked a rare achievement.

The elder announced, "Homework: grind those moonblades. Three days, I'm checking the leaderboards. Top player gets ten skibidi stones, basically free loot. Understood?"

"YES!" The players shouted, hyped for the reward.

But three minutes later, the moonblade spam was dying down.

"Bruh, each moonblade is 10% mana drain, that's wild." "The moonblade's mana cost is too high. I'm a C-tier, only 38% mana pool. Three moonblades, that's it."

The players who stopped were throwing major "sadge" vibes.

The alpha was chilling, but thinking, "High-tier players have it easy. Moonblade mastery is just repetition. High-tiers have bigger mana pools, faster regen, more practice. Low-tiers can pay-to-win with stones, more practice. But low-tiers without stones? They're hard-stuck, even if they're willing to grind. Gu Master leveling is just pay-to-win, no cap. I'll focus on the whales."

Scene Transmission!

The sun had dipped below the horizon, but the sunset was still throwing out that "golden hour" filter, painting the distant mountains in layers of grey, fading into a moody black.

At the academy, school was officially out. Students were leaving in packs, chatting like they were in a Discord voice channel.

"Today was a W, I actually learned something. Especially how to throw those moonblades, so fire!" "The moonblade's animation is so clean! Too bad my stats are trash, I'm probably gonna be stuck doing inventory management, not raiding dungeons." The teens were vibing, sharing their post-class thoughts.

Some were pinging their squad. "Let's grab some grub and some rice wine, what do you say?" "Bet, that's a whole vibe." "You guys go ahead, I need to cop a grass dummy from the store next to the Gu room. Gotta practice my aim at home, you feel?"

Fang Yuan solo-queued to the Gu room.

The academy's Gu room was basically a loot box for Rank 1 Gu worms, including the Moonlight Gu. Students got a freebie every now and then, but if you wanted more, you had to pay up.

Fang Yuan wasn't trying to craft any new gear. He went to the small shop next door, the marketplace.

Seven players were at the counter, haggling with the shopkeeper for grass dummies, trying to get that discount.

"Oh, hey, it's you, newbie." The Rank 1 shopkeeper, a young adult, gave Fang Yuan a nod while trying to close a deal, multitasking like a pro.

Fang Yuan did a double-take, realizing it was Jiang Ya, the Gu Master who'd clapped back at those hunter bros at the inn, basically a certified savage.

"Yo, senior," Fang Yuan nodded, face still on that "poker face" setting.

Jiang Ya handed a grass dummy to a customer, then flashed Fang Yuan a friendly grin, like he was about to drop a promo code. "Came to cop a dummy, newbie? I can hold one for you, just three skibidi stones. These things are flying off the shelves, only seven left. Snooze, you lose, basically."

Jiang Ya was giving off major "entitled customer" vibes to normies, but was all smiles to players like Fang Yuan, giving off that "fellow gamer" vibe.

Fang Yuan chuckled internally, thinking, "This guy's playing the market like a pro." Grass dummies, made with Scarecrow Gu, shouldn't cost more than 1.5 stones, even with the mana tax.

"Senior, that's sus! First come, first serve, that's the meta. Why give him a VIP pass?" "Yeah, we were here first. Know the community guidelines!" "Three stones it is, take my money! Just give me the dummy."

The students, panicking about the low stock, stopped arguing and just threw their stones at Jiang Ya, like they were throwing money at the screen.

In a flash, seven players walked out, clutching their new loot.

"Yo, you want that grass dummy?" Jiang Ya chuckled, like he was about to reveal a secret skin. "Sold out, but I've got a secret stash, the legendary eighth dummy. Don't sleep on this, it's a limited-time offer."

Fang Yuan was like, "Nah, I'm good." He shook his head, dropped a skibidi stone on the counter, like he was paying for a DLC. "Ten moon orchid petals, please."

Jiang Ya was shook, gave Fang Yuan the "are you for real?" stare, took the stone, and opened a secret compartment. He pulled out a paper bag, like he was revealing a rare loot box. "Ten moon orchid petals, counted and verified. Double-check the contents, fam."

Fang Yuan did a quick inventory check, no errors, and dipped.

Gu need their grub, no cap.

Gu Masters craft, use, and raise their Gu, basically a full-time job.

Rizzing Gu is a grind, with potential for backfires, like a corrupted save file. Using Gu takes practice, basically mastering a new skill tree. Raising Gu is a whole other level, because different Gu have wild diets, like a weird cooking simulator. Some eat dirt, some slurp starlight, some need your tears, and some feed on cloud vapor, like they're living in the skybox. This wasn't like Pokemon where a quick trip to the Pokemon Center was an all-in-one soluton for everything. 

Fang Yuan's three Gu were on different meal plans. Moonlight Gu eats moon orchid petals, two meals a day, two petals per meal, like a daily quest reward. Liquor worm drinks wine, one jar lasts four days, basically a weekend binge. Spring Autumn Cicada? That one's a whole different level, it drinks straight from the River of Time, basically tapping into the server's source code.

The River of Time is the world's timeline, close but invisible, pushing every action, like a constant loading screen.

Time is like a stream, always flowing. The River of Time is invisible, but we're all swimming in it, basically living in a time-lapse video.