Harry Potter: I Cast

I was reclining on my chair in my newly made radio station, twirling my microphone in my hand, deep in thought. The renovated classroom was coming along well, of course there was still a ton to work on and improve but if I had an abundance of anything that was time.

I had sung a few songs this morning, but mainly just talked about the radio's purpose and how I'd be posting a board where students could submit questions for professors, students, or other subjects, during classes I already had a few questions brought up to me and if I could ask professors or whoever came on.

Though, if I was being honest with myself, I was definitely going to prioritize my own questions.

Maybe that was nepotism, but given how much work I'd put into this setup, I figured I'd earned it.

I glanced at my watch: 4:48.

Soon.

The room had transformed completely from its abandoned state. Bookshelves lined the walls, filled with texts I'd "borrowed" from various sources (though I preferred the term "indefinitely relocated"). My guitar stood in one corner alongside various materials I would transfigure and charm so as to make that self playing band I had thought about yesterday. Potions ingredients and experimental devices cluttered several workbenches - this wasn't just going to be a radio station, but my personal laboratory as well.

"Why are you so damn quiet!"

Of course, as with all my recent endeavors, I wasn't alone.

"Jarvey, no yelling," I chided absently, still fiddling with the microphone.

"Fuck that," he retorted, his fur bristling. "You've been twirling that microphone for the past twenty minutes with a creepy grin on your face. It's freaking me the fuck out."

I glanced at my preparations once more.

Two teacups positioned at precise angles on the table where Dumbledore would sit, and an array of candies spread out in what I hoped looked like casual abundance rather than the calculated arrangement it was.

The plan was simple, really. I just needed DNA - and while a hair would be ideal, saliva would work just as well for the polyjuice potion.

Was it slightly disgusting?

Sure.

But I wanted that Sorting Hat more than I cared about squeamishness.

The candies served a dual purpose - besides being a natural offering for someone known to have a sweet tooth, they'd help me narrow down his password preferences. I'd arranged them carefully, from common sweets to rare varieties, watching which he'd choose first, make a list and make a guess if my other plan didn't work out.

"You're doing that creepy grin again," Jarvey observed.

"Am I?" I mused, reaching up to touch my face. "Just excited about the interview, I suppose."

"Bullshit," Jarvey snorted. "You're plotting something. You always get that look when you're plotting."

Before I could respond, three measured knocks echoed through the room.

KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

"There he is," I muttered, placing my microphone carefully on its stand.

Jarvey spun around at the sound, then scampered onto my shoulder, his tail wrapping securely around my right arm. I could feel him vibrating slightly - whether from excitement or simple skidishness, I couldn't tell.

I approached the door, channeling my magic into the complex locking mechanism I'd designed.

"I am One with Words," I murmured.

The door swung open to reveal Albus Dumbledore in all his bearded glory. His half-moon spectacles caught the light from my enchanted ceiling, and his eyes twinkled with their usual mysterious mirth.

"Hello young Felix."

"Professor Dumbledore," I responded, stepping aside to let him enter. As he passed, I had to physically restrain myself from reaching for his beard. The urge to simply grab a strand was almost overwhelming, but I forced myself to remember why I needed this more elaborate plan. Dumbledore wasn't considered the greatest wizard alive for nothing - any direct attempt would surely fail.

"Where do I sit?" he asked pleasantly, though I suspected he'd already deduced the correct chair.

"Here," I indicated the seat with the prepared teacup. "I've laid out some sweets as well - mostly from Honeydukes."

"Ooh, Honeydukes sweets, how delicious," he commented, eyes roaming over the selection.

"Yeah, I have a sweet tooth," I replied, which wasn't entirely a lie. Though my preferences ran more toward ice cream than candy, it was close enough to be believable.

"Seems we agree on that then," Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling even more intensely.

"Hey blondie," Jarvey whispered in my ear, "this old guy is powerful."

"Oh why thank you for the compliment, Jarvey," Dumbledore responded, making my familiar start. "I've heard quite a bit about you. It seems your papers allowing you to stay in Hogwarts have gone well?"

"How the fuck did he hear that?" Jarvey demanded. "He's old, like really old - I can smell it."

Now that I thought about it, how old was Dumbledore actually, he looked to be around 70 if you discounted the beard but with Jarvey's rambling I was pretty sure that he was much older.

Meh I'll ask it in the interview.

"Hahaha, I guess I really am old," Dumbledore chuckled, "but my senses are still as good as ever."

I noticed his eyes flick to my gaze, which had settled on his glasses. He smiled knowingly.

"Well, I guess not all my senses," he admitted, reaching for a sherbet lemon (I made careful note of this preference). He popped it into his mouth with evident pleasure. "But my hearing and taste remain perfectly sharp."

I checked my watch again: 4:58.

"Oh professor, here's your radio," I said, reaching into my enchanted wallet and withdrawing the specially modified device. Unlike the others I'd distributed throughout the castle, this one contained additional charms and runes - most notably the ability to capture sound within a ten-meter radius. I'd disguised the extra components as best I could, adding a self-destruct feature to that particular circuit in case of too much scrutiny.

It wasn't my most elegant plan, I had to admit. Either I'd have to intuit his password preferences from his candy choices, or hope he had the radio with him but wasn't in his office during the upcoming Quidditch match - Gryffindor versus Slytherin semifinals in two weeks.

Since I never attended matches anyway (I really didn't like that sport, seriously you capture the snitch and you win the game? why in Merlin's name would you do anything else), my absence wouldn't raise suspicion.

One final glance at my watch.

5:00.

"It's time to begin," I announced. "Jarvey, please try to keep the swearing to a minimum."

"Fuck that."

I sighed deeply, then channeled my magic through the microphones, activating the network of radios throughout the castle.

"Welcome to the first ever interview on Real Wizards FM, I am your host Felix Serendipity alongside Jarvey Serendipity and our first guest, you know him well. Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Order of Merlin (First Class), Grand Sorcerer, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards, and Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. We're proud to have you here."

"I'm happy to be here myself," Albus said warmly, reaching for his teacup.

As he raised it to his lips, I fought to keep my expression neutral. The interview had begun - and with it, the first step of my heist would be complete.