Through the Pages of Time: Joey’s Hogwarts Tale

Fourth-year Defense Against the Dark Arts class was a completely different experience this year. While the girls at Hogwarts had been heartbroken over Professor Sirius's resignation, Professor Lockhart, with his dazzling smile and golden hair, quickly filled the void.

Joey sat in her seat, chin resting on her hand, staring at Professor Lockhart as he preened on the podium. "How can Professor Lockhart be so charming with blonde hair?" she mused aloud. "It's not fair."

"Who's the unlucky comparison?" Angelina asked, sneaking a piece of fried chicken into her mouth.

"My dear cousin, Draco Malfoy," Joey replied, pronouncing his name in Chinese as "Longbatian," which sent her into a fit of giggles.

"Longbatian? What does that mean?" Angelina struggled to pronounce the syllables, her tongue twisting comically.

"It means 'little dragon who thinks he's the most domineering thing in the world,'" Joey explained, still laughing. She hadn't seen much of Draco last year, but Flami had told her he'd been bad-mouthing her in the Slytherin common room. This year, Joey was determined to make him regret it.

Angelina burst out laughing, spraying bits of chicken onto Joey's desk. "You're terrible!" she said, wiping tears from her eyes.

Joey waved her wand, cleaning the mess with a spell. "Don't waste food! Didn't you hear Professor Lockhart say there are poor wizards in Africa who can't even eat one meal a day?"

"Please, nothing Lockhart says is believable!" Angelina retorted. "His stories are so fake!"

Joey looked at her solemnly. "If you badmouth my idol, I'll break up with you."

Angelina smirked and kicked the legs of the twins' chairs in front of her. "Fred, your girlfriend's in love with another man!"

Fred shot up, hitting his head on the table with a loud "thunk". "Who? Ow—" He rubbed his head, looking at Joey nervously. "Who are you in love with?"

Joey was about to roll her eyes when her attention was drawn to Professor Lockhart, who was striding over with his trademark smile. "Excuse me, what's going on here? Do you need my help?" he asked, flashing his perfect teeth.

"Oh, no, it's nothing. But maybe you could sign this for me?" Joey stammered, pulling out a copy of "Gadding with Ghouls" and handing it to him.

Angelina gave Fred a pointed look, as if to say, "See? It's him!" Fred watched, seething, as Lockhart signed the book with a flourish and shook Joey's hand before returning to the podium. Fred seriously considered hexing that hand off.

Joey didn't look away until Lockhart smiled at her again. She carefully placed the signed book in her bag and tucked the pen into a special pocket.

"Joey, can you still see me?" Fred asked, switching seats with Angelina and leaning close to Joey.

"You're not invisible, so of course I can see you," Joey replied, giving him a puzzled look.

"But you didn't see me earlier. All you saw was that big blonde straw bag," Fred said, pouting.

"He's not a straw bag!" Joey shot back. "He's done so many heroic things! He's dueled vampires, captured banshees, and even used the Fiery Furnace Charm to destroy ghouls! It's all in his books!"

Fred groaned. "Please tell me you haven't read all his books."

Joey lifted her chin proudly. "I'm almost done with "Gadding with Ghouls"!" She wouldn't let herself be caught off guard by any questions about Lockhart in class.

Joey soon discovered she and Hermione had a lot in common. When Harry and Ron badmouthed Lockhart at dinner, Joey and Hermione stood up in unison to defend their idol.

"Look at your dirty nose! You'll never learn to wipe it properly!" Hermione scolded Ron. "Professor Lockhart is always a perfect gentleman!"

"And he's so literary!" Joey added. "You two can't even write a decent essay on the uses of moonstone!"

Fred chimed in, "You copied Cedric's essay too."

Joey hurled a pudding at him, which Fred caught in his mouth. "Delicious!" he said, grinning.

Harry and Ron, too annoyed to respond, stuffed themselves with chicken legs and let out loud burps. Ginny, sitting nearby, watched Harry shyly. She was finally at Hogwarts this year, and she couldn't be happier.

Joey and Hermione's alliance, however, didn't last long. When Hermione excitedly showed Joey her S.P.E.W. badge and asked her to join, Joey flatly refused.

"The house-elves would die of fear if they were freed, Hermione," Joey said seriously. "They love working in the kitchen. Taking them out of it would be cruel."

Lockhart's classes were... eventful. He loved bringing in magical creatures for the students to practice defensive spells on. In one class, they were surrounded by a flock of Cornish pixies, chirping loudly and causing chaos.

Lockhart, ever the showman, bravely stepped forward to cast a spell without earmuffs. His wand swished dramatically, but the pixies quickly overwhelmed him, sending him into a tap-dancing frenzy.

Joey clapped enthusiastically, earmuffs firmly in place. "Look, Fred! He dances so gracefully!"

Fred, meanwhile, was on the floor, foaming at the mouth from the pixies' high-pitched screeching.

The Gryffindors worked together to silence the pixies, though some, like Angelina, passed out when their earmuffs slipped. George, ever the opportunist, collected the colorful feathers the pixies shed.

The Slytherins, paired with Gryffindor for the class, had already retreated to the edges of the room, wanting no part of the chaos. Flami, however, stayed behind, casting silencing spells from a safe distance.

Joey spotted her and ran over, holding up two lime-green feathers. "These would look great in your hair! They match your uniform!"

Flami recoiled. "No, thanks. I don't want to look like an African tribeswoman."

Fred and George joined them, Fred kissing Joey's hand and George excitedly holding up a handful of feathers. "These will make great quills for our Automatic Love Letter Pens! Girls will pay a fortune for these!"

Flami scoffed. "Gryffindors can't write love letters. Your quills would probably write something like, 'Your eyes are as green as leprosy juice.'"

George clutched his chest dramatically. "That's a great line! I'm adding it to our collection. Miss, if you have more, I'll pay for them!"

Flami kicked his knee. "How much is a kick worth?"

George laughed, hopping on one foot. "Two Sickles!"

Joey giggled, and Fred whispered in her ear, "At least you can say 'I like you.' All I can do is peel radishes."

Joey blushed. "If you don't like how I say 'I like you,' I won't say it anymore!"

Fred quickly apologized, pulling her into a hug. "I love how you say it! More than radishes!"

Flami raised an eyebrow. "Radishes?"

George leaned in, grinning. "That's a story worth five Sickles. Interested?"

Flami smirked. "I'll just ask Joey. She can't keep secrets."

By the time the pixies were subdued, the classroom was a mess. Professor Lockhart and a few students were sent to the hospital wing, where Madam Pomfrey muttered, "What's the use of being handsome if you can't do anything but talk big?"

Joey wanted to help, but Fred dragged her away. "Madam Pomfrey's got it covered. Let's leave it to the professionals."

As they left, Fred secretly hoped Lockhart would stay unconscious for a very, very long time.