Sparks *

The gentle sounds and swaying of the waves was almost like a lullaby to my ears. I laid on top of the plank drifting to who knows where in a starfish position, dehydrated from all the crying I had done before.

When I had fallen asleep, I hadn't dreamed of a whole lot, being stuck in that state where I couldn't see anything other than that dark abyss before waking up and feeling like I didn't even get any sleep at all.

I felt hot and sticky from the sweat and the dried blood, thanks to the scorching sun rays coming down and hitting my clothed body. The hair at the nape of my neck clung to the skin uncomfortably, and I rubbed a hand over it, before placing my hand in the water and letting it sit there. Looking around slowly in fear of opening my wounds any further, I saw nothing but blue. I gazed upwards again, seeing more blue, though this time with patches of white scattered all over it.

I was really starting to hate the colour.

Exhaling through cracked, dry lips, I closed my eyes again, still thinking back to… when had everything happened? Had it been a few hours ago? I didn't really remember, nor did I want to. Thinking about it had made me lose my makeshift oar. Huffing, I continued listening to the water moving around me.

Three times I had tried going back to the wreckage, crying and shaking and hating myself the entire time. I had never made it very far, the lack of energy in my body making any attempts to backtrack futile. When I'd collapse from the exhaustion, I'd cry some more, my face digging into the wood painfully. When I tried attempting it the fourth time, the more rational part of my brain told me to throw aside the piece of wood I had used to row away, because even if I did manage to backtrack, I wasn't making it out of this mess. And so I did. The throw had been powered by all the pain and grief I felt in my heart, a howl of agony pushing past my trembling lips.

Now, I sat, drifting with the waves and trying to not think of how thirsty I was. Soon, I was going to start feeling hungry, and that was going to make this a lot more difficult than it already was.

Slowly, I glanced down at my body, seeing my clothes covered in red and brown. The heavy jacket I had worn was torn at the sleeves, and it was very likely that it was also so torn at the back along with whatever I had underneath that it was beyond saving.

my face was also caked with whatever debris and dust had gotten stuck to it, my sweat and blood making the perfect place for everything to collect there.

I didn't realize my eyes were brimming with tears again until they rolled down the slightly irritated skin of my cheeks. Wincing, I wiped the hand that had been in the water on my pants before wiping the tears away carefully, realizing that it was still shaking slightly. Sighing quietly, I let it fall into the ocean again, hearing the quiet splash beside me.

I was so, so tired.

And I was also growing tired of being tired.

I coughed, the blood that had pooled in my mouth trickling down my chin, and moaned at the pain it sent through my chest area. The pain lingered for a few seconds, before it disappeared and I was back to an almost peaceful state if it weren't for all the thoughts going rampant in my head. my heart was starting to race again, too. my eyes fell shut again, and I inhaled deeply, getting that smell of salt I had loved not even that long ago. Now I am just sick of it.

Luckily, there were no birds making noise this time, since being in the middle of the ocean wasn't exactly the best place. Especially in the Grand Line. God knows how long this peace was going to last before I was hit with a storm or something worse.

I was content with my eyes shut, so I let them stay closed and listened. There was nothing new around me, since the ocean was calm and it sounded undisturbed. The sounds helped me make a soothing breathing pattern, my heart slowing down to its normal pace eventually. I continued my new breathing pattern, even when my heart was normal.

Suddenly, I felt bubbling beside me and the waves were moving as if I were about to enter a storm. my eyes snapped open as and scanned the area as best they could. They stopped in the place where my hand was, seeing that, indeed, there were bubbles rising besides me.

I froze in fear, unsure of what to do as I laid there, watching the bubbles come to a stop. I let my posture relax, before taking a deep breath to calm myself. And I had been so calm, after hours of crying and feeling like I wasn't worthy of living.

Actually, I still felt like that.

It was silent for a while longer, and in the meantime, I found the strength to speak. "What the hell was that?" I mumbled, glowering at the place as the bubbles stopped.

And then suddenly, I wasn't glaring anymore when something huge broke the surface of the water and poked its head out. The shock made me jump, and I grunted in discomfort. The bear-like creature glanced around, before its beady eyes were peering down at me. It loomed over me, the sun behind it giving it an odd glow as it lowered its head, staring at I with large eyes before leaning back.

"…" I watched it closely, awed and also terrified at the fact that there was a sea beast in front of me. There was a large white and grey fin on its back, and I could only assume it had many more. Its white fur stuck out in odd ways, with the rest being weighed down by the water clinging to it.

my heart was racing again, but it wasn't because of the being staring down at me with its head tilted to the side in curiosity, it was because of the thoughts that had wormed their way into my brain. That heavy sadness I hadn't felt in a while came back full force, and I sniffed quietly, swallowing thickly.

I was so lonely and so sad. I didn't want to be on this pathetic piece of wood anymore. I wanted this nightmare to end and to wake up in cold sweat and with wide eyes because that would surely feel better than being trapped in the middle of the ocean with nothing to keep me company.

All the things that were going through my head just made me want to bawl my eyes out. They made me wish I was dead, just like I should be.

Maybe if I angered the bear-fish thing in front of me it would trap me in its jaws and drag me under the water, drowning me in the process. But how could I do that?

I tried to lift my arms, but they weren't responding. Frustrated, I tried my legs, but they weren't answering me either. While I battled with my body, the sea beast began to sink back into the depths of the ocean.

Seeing it leaving me made my heart clench painfully as I slid closer to the edge of the plank, golden eyes still wide as I watched it descend until it was gone.

"N-no…" I rasped, "Don't leave—Don't leave me here…" I attempted screaming, but nothing left my throat.

"Oh, please, please come back. Please." I whispered desperately, "Don't leave me, please don't leave me, I'm all alone and I don't want to be here anymore and—" A sob cut my rambling short, and I cursed myself for crying again, but I couldn't stop. I was in too much pain right now.

"Please, please come back!" I managed to yell, my throat burning at the effort I had to put into it.

Silence was my answer.

"No…" I hiccupped, shutting my eyes tightly, "No, no, no… Why… why did this happen to me?"

my cries echoed, as if mocking me and my misery, and that made me feel even worse. Everything was getting to the point where I was thinking of jumping into the water so I could end this nightmare. Maybe that's what I should do.

Sitting up slowly and painfully, I placed my hands on the plank to steady myself, before leaning over the edge. The action took so much out of me, I was breathing hard as I gazed into the seemingly endless blue void. I swallowed again, taking a deep breath and closing my eyes.

"One…" I coughed, ignoring the gnawing pain that seemed to flow through my limbs, "Two…" I gripped the edge of the plank, finding some relief as my fingertips brushed the surface of the rather welcoming water.

"Three…"

…

"Fuck, shit, why can't I do it?" I growled, tugging at my hair and shaking my head. There was pain in my scalp as I continued to tug at the short strands, frustrated and ashamed at how pathetic I was. "Why, why, why—Why the hell can't I do it!"

The anger in my voice turned into sadness again as I stopped speaking, a grimace twisting my features as I breathed heavily, the pain it caused in my chest area close to unbearable. Not thinking clearly, I punched the water in vexation. The action calmed me slightly, and I sat back, crossing my legs at the ankles.

This was getting ridiculous.

I leaned back until my back hit the familiar wood beneath me, and I closed my eyes, determined to get more rest so I didn't have to think anymore.